I know that that title might sound strange- I need a birth? Well, let me explain. I yearn for a fulfilling birth. I hope for one. I cry for one. I will beg and fight and pray for one, if necessary. Why am I acting a little like a crazy lady? Well, plain and simple, I am SO DISAPPOINTED by Lily’s birth. I don’t want to get into all of details now(I’ll do another post when I get up the nerve) but it was exactly what I wanted, then. I feel completely different about birth now, compared to then. I was scared, then. I didn’t know what to expect, then. I was embarrassed, indifferent, and much less educated, then. Now I know what I want and I am seriously determined to get it.
I found this today…it’s a website stating how to increase your chances for a natural birth. On the site they refer to it as a ‘normal physiological birth’ but I’m just going to replace that with a natural birth. By natural, I’m saying a drug-free, intervention-less, safe birth. Or similar. My guidelines for a natural birth are pretty loose.
(That linked website has a ton of great articles worth reading. I highly recommend going through it.)
Anyway, they have a list to go through. I’m going to answer the (sort of edited) questions on here. Be aware that a lot of my answers may change by the end of my pregnancy, by varying degrees.
- What are your true motivations for a natural birth?
- Write out your birth plan
- Find an OB/midwife who will support your choices
- Create your own ‘cheer squad’
- Find APPROPRIATE support for labor
- Educate yourself and your support people
- Hire a doula
- Trust your body, and your baby
I’d put my comments in between each question/whatever but I’m not a master at the stupid numbered list button. So.
1) My true motivations for having a natural birth are simple: my baby deserves the birth I am planning. My baby deserves to be drug free, as do I. I am 100% I can give birth without pain medicine, and I am determined to prove it to myself. I want to do this for ME and my baby. I’m not looking to prove anything to anyone else. I’m not planning on boasting about it (although I might a little). I’m not doing it because of my grandmother’s comment after Lily was born, either. She said “it’s like you didn’t even work for it.” I could do an entire post on just what she said and how I feel about it. I am not resentful of her comment, and I’m not doing this for her. I’m not doing this for my husband, who missed Lily’s birth. I am doing this because I know I have the inner strength. I know my body will do what it is meant to do. I know honestly feel like this is the ‘right’ way for me to have this baby. I think my body is telling me to do it this way.
2) My birth plan…oh. Well. I have yet to visit my doctor, so I really have no idea what options she will be able to offer me. My dream birth? At home, in our silly little apartment, in our kitchen, in a birthing tub. At dawn. With a ton of shades covering our windows, since there aren’t any right now. I would want Matt to be by my side, a sage-like midwife with a wonderful soothing voice, and energetic friend to help out with things and to keep me motivated, and a friend who will double as a photographer. I would not want my dog home- he would be all over me. He would be rather annoying. He would want to eat the placenta, I bet. Yeah. And I wouldn’t want Lily home. I would worry about her constantly. I would never be able to focus. And I would be so concerned with scaring her. I would love to take a warm bath at home, bake, mingle, read, breathe. I would be so happy if I could be in my own comfort zone- mentally focused and strong. I would love to give birth to this little one, clean baby up, put on a cloth diaper, and nestle into our bed to rest. I would love to breastfeed right away…but I can’t start talking about breastfeeding now or I’ll cry. It’s a sensitive subject for me. I would love to have this birth, but I am fully aware that I most likely will not get. I am open to giving birth in a hospital. I’m open to not giving birth in water. I’m open to having a cesarean if necessary.
I’m trying to stay as open as possible to alternative births, because I have a terrible time adapting to change.
3) I just found a new midwife that I have high hopes for. I found her on the internet, not through a reference, so I’m really going at this blind. Her website seems so promising. If I dislike her, then I’ll keep searching. I have found a few other ‘maybes’ to look into. I need a midwife that honestly cares about me. I need one that wants to hear what I want and need. My last OB was what I wanted then, but not what I want now. I didn’t even have my OB deliver Lily! The stupid hospital just let some random doctor on staff deliver here. Some woman I had never met before!! THEY HAD NEVER EVEN CALLED MY DOCTOR. Yeah. So. This midwife better be ready to accommodate ME and MY needs. I’m not about to step aside this time.
4) My ‘cheer squad’ is slowly forming. I’m sad that I don’t have a ton of people to choose from. I guess I need to broaden my horizons, eh? I have a few people that have already shown their support. I also have a few people who have clearly shown me that they do not support my decisions and who would rather talk over me than listen. I’ve already had someone tell me that “homebirths are SO DANGEROUS” and that I was “ridiculous” because I live in a “modern society.” *sigh*
I pushed a lot of people away when I was pregnant with Lily and now I’m scrambling to get them back.
5) I put the word ‘appropriate’ in capital letters because it seems really important to me. I did NOT have appropriate supporters while I was giving birth to Lily. I had a few people in the room who were there for themselves. Not to support me! I also did not have the support I needed while I was pregnant, but that blame I take fully upon myself. I will need strong, intelligent, loving, HELPFUL supporters. For this little ones birth, I WILL NOT allow anyone there who I do not want there. That birth was completely different from how I hope this one will be. I will need to be intensely focused during this birth, and I need people surrounding me who get that. On to the next point…
6) Whoever I chose to attend this birth will really depend on their commitment to it. Everyone needs to be on exactly the same page as I am- exactly the same paragraph, sentence, word, LETTER. I need everyone to support me in every way possible. I will be as educated as I possibly can be, and I expect others to be the same. If anyone is unprepared for this birth, they will not be there. Even Matt. Not that I doubt that he will be ready- I have a lot of faith in him. I’m just stating a fact. If he is not ready for this, then I can not have him as a distraction. The same goes for everyone else.
End of story.
7) Although I think doulas are wonderful, I do not plan on hiring one. I believe that I will not need a doula. I am assuming that my husband and my midwife will fill any slots a doula would regularly fill. I am confident that I will not need a doula’s assistance.
8) This point weighs heavily on me. I do trust my body. I really, honestly do. I feel like my body is communicating with me somehow. I know it can do this. I know that the only thing that will get in the way of a smooth labor(assuming everything is well) is my mind and medical interventions. I plan on eliminating any lingering fears beforehand, and telling those beepy machines to fuck off. Excuse my french.
At the end of the article (linked again here) there is an acronym that I like. It refers to medical interventions and procedures. I think everyone should go through it before agreeing to anything being done…
What are the benefits of the this being done?
What are the risks?
Are there alternatives?
Does it need to be done now?
Hm. Handy. Maybe I will do this again when it’s almost time, and compare. I plan on reading a ton of books and becoming very close to my midwife by then. For now, I’m going to bed. Goodnight all!