Worries

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I know you’re all probably tired of hearing about baby stuff…
What if this new midwife I found doesn’t take the time to really HEAR me? I always get passed off and talked over.

What if I don’t get to choose the midwife within the practice that I like? What if I end up having this baby in a cold, unfamiliar hospital? Obviously there is a very good chance that I’m going to have this baby in a hospital. I hadn’t realized until TODAY that I don’t want to go to a hospital. Maybe I’m just apprehensive because of Lily’s birth. I am nervous.
What if this doctor’s office is just like my last? I want ONE doctor. I want someone who connects with me. I want someone who hears what I have to say.
I got their ‘welcome packet’ in the mail today. It is just like my last doctor’s, except for saying they do acupuncture in the office. That’s pretty nifty. But they also have a policy in which the reserve the right to charge you $50 for a no-show. They make you sign a damn “No-Show Agreement” !!! If you call in less than 24 hours, but at least an hour before, they will only charge you $30! Seriously? What office does that?
They claim it’s because they are in ‘high-demand.’ Do I really want to go to an office that has a crap load of patients? NO. I want a doctor with like five patients. I want a midwife that I can call and chat with. I want a midwife I can email.

I’m going to go to my first appointment. If I don’t like this place, I’m not going to go back. I’d rather go to my original doctor. I really liked them. I was just hoping to find a midwife who based her practices around alternative medicines and natural births.

My old OB would jump right to a cesarean. And he didn’t even deliver Lily! He was a sweet man though. I really trusted him. He was kind and never rushed through our appointments, although I never stayed to talk. I still rave about him though. I know I could go back to him and he would be happy to see me. I know that I could have this baby in the same hospital Lily was born in and be okay with that. I know he would support my decision to have this baby naturally. Maybe I’ll get him, and a doula? One that would fill in his blanks. Because I know he won’t be giving me a massage. He’d be jumping for the scissors. Sad.

I’m disappointed already by this new place.

I might end up having this baby in my bath tub, alone. And then I’ll walk into the ER and be all like, “HEY! Idiots of this crappy nearby hospital!! I just had a baby. In my house. Give me some paperwork so it can be all official and such.”
And that would be it. Hmpft.

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About Mama Wolf

I'm a young mama to two babes and a wife to my wonderful husband. I love all things 'crunchy'. I'm just trying to make this world a better place and learn from others :) Join me on my journey!

One response »

  1. As an faithful and loyal supporter of your birth and birth choices, this post made me a little sad. Don’t give up. If you don’t feel like it’s right, there are other choices. You don’t have to go back to the doctor’s office that you started with and you don’t have to go with this one. I think you’d be sad if you settled, and this post seemed a little down, a little like giving in. It’s way too early for that my friend! I will (albeit from a far) research everything I can to make sure this isn’t just the perfect birth, but pregnancy experience as well!

    Don’t give up! You are strong, educated, and can find the person that will give you everything you need!

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