Monthly Archives: March 2012

23 Weeks Pregnant- Catching Up

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My computer cord has finally arrived, so that means I can finally blog again.

How far along I am: 23 weeks today. 15-19 left to go! (Read: I’m comfortable going past my due date. I should write a separate post about this…I hate that a ‘due date’ is thought of as in expiration date instead of a estimated time of arrival)

Weight: 130! That’s 10 pounds more than I was when I got pregnant. When I saw 129 on the scale, it registered fine with me. However, when I saw 130 on the scale at my midwife’s home…I sort of jumped. I’m not 100% sure why. I’m comfortable with gaining weight. I know I need to gain weight. I know the weight I have gained is mostly baby. I know that I’m on the right track. I suppose I’ve always sort of obsessed about the number on the scale, so seeing it out of the 120’s was surprising. The weight I’ve always been most happy with is 112. I don’t know why! That’s a few pounds underweight. I like being skinny. I like being that skinny. I saw a picture of myself from last summer and was surprised- I WAS SKINNY. I was bony. I didn’t look good. And I loved my weight at that point. I like having control of my weight. It’s not healthy. Hm. Something to keep an eye on.

What I’m taking: One regular prenatal a day, and 4 1,000IU’s of vitamin D3. I’d like to start taking a magnesium supplement, but I’m going to talk to Merideth first. I’ve read that it can help with leg cramps. I had terrible leg cramps with my first pregnancy- ones that would wake me up at night and make me cry. So, of course, I’d like to prevent them. My calves have been feeling sore lately and  my skin has been tighter, which most likely means that they’re a little bit swollen.

Baby’s weight: 1.2 pounds (544 g) POUNDS PEOPLE. Almost as much as Sam’s chihuahua.

Baby’s length: 8.4 inches (21.3 cm) One app says this, and one app says 11 inches. Maybe 11 inches head to toe, and 8.4 inches from crown to rump? The length of a mango. Imagine having something 11 inches long just hanging out, kicking around inside of your belly. Babers is big.

How I feel physically: Okay. Acid reflux on a daily basis, but not bad. My hips hurt terribly if I carry Lily around. I get sciatica pains down my lower back right into my hips. For awhile it was just on my left side, towards to back of my hip(almost like in my butt cheek!), and now it’s both hips and is bothering both the front and back. Merideth said to call a chiropractor. She told me to get adjusted as often as I need to. She also said it will just get worse the farther along I get…the more weight on my hips and back, the more pinching my nerves will get. If you’ve never experienced nerve pain, its a zingy sharp stabbing kind of pain. It’s bad enough to make me yelp. To a chiropractor I go.

How I feel mentally: Sad. I’ve been debating whether I should go into details or not…right now, I’m not feeling it. I’ve been lonely. I’m not sure how much more hormones are at play, but crying on a daily basis is not normal. I can say that I’m not depressed. I wondered for awhile if I was falling into another state of depression, but I know I’m not. I am, however, worried about postpartum depression. I was surprised I didn’t after I had Lily- I assumed after struggling with bouts of depression for years that it would hit hard after her birth, but it didn’t. At all. I’m not going to risk it this time though. I’d like to have the placenta encapsulated- cue the gross noises. It’s gross but not that gross. Humans are the only species on the planet that doesn’t eat the placenta after birth. Read about it! Educate yourselves. There are a ton of known benefits, and I’m sure there’s a ton of unknown benefits as well. I’m sure Matt will gag when he hears about this…

Preparations: Well, I can honestly say I’ve been productive! I’m not sure what I’ve already written on here. I’ve read ‘Birthing From Within’ by Pam England. It’s a book I’d recommend, but it’s not for everyone. It’s focused around dealing with, and conquering, fears about birth. Finding your inner birth peace. A lot of people reviewed it as too hippie-ish, but I thought it was fine.

I’m currently halfway through ‘Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth’ by Ina May Gaskin. The first half is natural birth stories written by women who birthed on The Farm. The Farm is a small community in Tennessee. It offered women in the ’70s a place to go birth their children safely and naturally, with the support of many women and midwives. They offered support to women who were pregnant but didn’t want abortions. I’m not sure how busy they are now. Anyway, most of the stories are similar. I’m bored. Yes, they’re all positive and empowering to read. But not a single birth that I’ve read so far was a multiple birth, or a water birth, or a complicated birth. Every birth was simple. Hm. The second half of the book is written by Ina May Gaskin. I’m hoping that’s the ‘guide’ part. I plan on buying two more of her books- ‘Ina May’s Guide to Breastfeeding’ and ‘Spiritual Midwifery’.

I just got ‘The Birth Partner’ by Penny Simkin for Matt to read. I skimmed through it and I’d like to read it myself. It’s super informative! It’s packed full. It not only explains birth from a medical standpoint, but it offers a ton of different ways to support the birthing woman, as well as multiple sections on unexpected situations, like cesarean births. I understand why it has a five star rating on Amazon.

Along with that book, I got ‘HypnoBirthing- The Mongan Method’ by Marie Mongan. Merideth asked me to get this. She is a licensed HypnoBirthing teacher. She offered to teach me herself, but she understands we are on a budget and that we don’t have $200 extra. She said that I could get the book and learn the methods myself. It comes with an audio CD. It’s sort of hard to explain what hypnobirthing is…when I tell people that you hypnotize yourself in labor to minimize pain, people sort of freak out. Like, what the hell is this hippie stuff? It is that, but much more. You just learn to relax and focus internally. Think of it this way- the more relaxed you are, the less you’ll suffer through your labor. If you’re scared/anxious/tense then you’ll focus on the pain and fight against it, which will just make it far worse. Hypnobirthing teaches the techniques to get yourself in a totally relaxed and calm place. You then can work with your labor instead of against it. It makes sense to me! I’m thankful I read ‘Birthing From Within’ first. I really understand this concept thanks to that book. I haven’t started reading the hypnobirthing book yet, but I will. Merideth has a birth video on her Facebook page(Family Tree Midwifery of Central New York). The birth is wonderful. The woman is in a birthing tub and is silent through most of her labor. She’s practicing hypnobirthing. I recommend you watch it.

Other news: I saw Merideth again last week. It was a pleasant appointment. My mother came with me. No peeing in a cup, no internal exam. We listened to the baby’s heartbeat with her doppler, took my blood pressure, and weighed me. Then talked. And talked. We talked about going into early labor. We discussed medicines that are safe and unsafe. We worked through my fear of her not getting to my apartment in time. (I’m a stubborn person, so if someone asks me how I’m doing, 99% of the time I’ll say I’m fine. I don’t know if I have a high pain tolerance or what, but seriously, 99% of the time I am fine. I don’t want her to believe me! I don’t want her to think she has time when she doesn’t. I’m assuming I’ll say I’m fine until transition, and that’s nearly the end! She reassured me and said she would leave her house at my first sign of labor. Even if that means she’ll be hanging out with me for two days straight, sleeping on my couch, and watching tv. She said she promised that she would not miss it! Have I said I love her yet? Well,  I do. She’s a good woman.) We also talked about my diet, my safety(she doesn’t want me falling because of my beloved flipflops), and my hip pain. We talked about the next time I’ll have bloodwork done and why. We talked about testing. She wrote down everything I’ve done so far to prepare, what we want to talk about next time, what to email me…she emailed me information on the flu shot. She has to legally offer it to me. She sent me information that supports the shot and information that is against the shot. HOW MANY DOCTOR’S LET YOU MAKE INFORMED DECISIONS LIKE THAT? Seriously? We even digressed a bunch and talked about how I dislike Lily’s pediatrician.

How many OB’s ask you what fears you may have about labor and birth? How many doctor’s want to address them directly to resolve them? Merideth and I have talked about my heartbreak over breastfeeding. We’ve talked about my fear of bleeding out. We’ve talked about my fear of her missing the birth. We’ve even discussed what will happen if I poo in the birthing tub. Hey, it can happen! I love her.

What else? Tyson tried to hump Lily today and scratched the hell out of her back. She immediately screamed and was hysterical. He scrambled into the kitchen. She has six long scratches from her lower back to the middle of her bum. They were swollen and very red when I put her to bed. I know he didn’t mean to hurt her, but he is really rough. He loses his mind when he’s humping. He’s getting fixed asap.

I started making a baby registry on Amazon. I’d make one at Walmart.com but all of the stuff I want is available through Walmart. There are a bunch of things that I do want that Walmart sells, but not all. I’d like to get things I actually want this time around. Like an amber teething necklace, cloth dipes, and a Sophie the Giraffe.

We went to the zoo. We got lost getting there and that was awful. Lily was terrified of the goat because it was fairly close to her. She screamed “NOOOOOOO” and jumped away. She wasn’t interested in the close animals. The California Condor moved closer to the fence and she freaked out. The bat’s flew around behind the glass and she freaked out. Of course, anything that somewhat resembled a cat was her favorite. She picked out a leopard stuffed animal before we left. She calls it her “baby kitty”.

That male cat that was hanging around finally left- whew. He was spraying everywhere.

Matt got a fourwheeler. And a boat. And a few other boats that he’s selling.

Lily got four new diaper covers.

I need my hair cut.

I keep dreaming of breastfeeding a new baby.

I picked out the wrap I want- a Girasol Amitola. (Techincally I want the yellow one. That link is for only the yellow weft. There’s a ton of other color combos.) It’s expensive but GORGEOUS. I mean, look at that thing. My mom said she’d get me whatever one I wanted. It’s the gold standard in wraps. Woven. Hand made.

I like that I can understand spending $130+ on one long piece of (AMAZING) fabric but I get anxiety when I spend over $10 on a shirt for myself.

 

How has everyone else been?

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Baby kicks and a new external hard drive!

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I know, not a very interesting title. But that’s what’s going on.

The baby is kicking. HARD. At the ultrasound we saw that the baby is head down- very, very low- so the baby’s feet are up and kicking. During the ultrasound we saw the legs curled up and then completely stretched out! This baby is crazy! I get a few gentle flutters and then BAM! I get a strong kick. Listen, these aren’t just normal baby kicks. These are kicks that make me jump and say “oh!”  They’re crazy.

Also, Matt bought me an external hard drive today! That means I can start getting photos off of my computer and start putting pictures back on to my blog. Whoo! Belly pictures!

Tyson also head butted our kitchen window and shattered it. Lily got glass in her foot. I hit my kneecap on the bathroom door knob trying to climb over the baby gate. It’s blue. Lily pulled the dustpan off the table (that was FULL of glass shards) and dumped them back onto the floor. I had to continually yell at her and the dog to stay in the living room so I could clean up the glass. Matt’s sneakers are ruined. Lily poo’ed white yesterday. Terrible, painful poos. We gave her a tiny bit of metamucil and today she had tan colored runny poos. She’s been miserable and must be teething again. SO. Today has not been one of our best days.

It was nice out though. I raked leaves and dog poop. Lily drove her cars around outside. Matt bought a boat and waxed his new truck. I made a big dinner and we finally relaxed…

Sunday we are having a ‘gender reveal party’ at my Grandmother’s house. Vicky is making cupcakes to surprise everyone. I asked her to make them with the centers colored: blue for boy, or pink for girl. She called today and said she’s going to make them and she’s not going to tell me what they’ll look like. Fun!

We’re stuck on names again. I’ve been using Nymbler but I’m not falling in love with anything. It’s frustrating. Also, trying to find a theme or products that go with a theme I like is impossible. I HATE THE MONKEY/JUNGLE THEME. I think it’s ridiculous and overused. It looks ‘cuuuuuute’. I’m looking for something earthy and, well, not dumb. I’m pretty sure I did this with Lily too- I’m rebelling against everyone who is trying to help. I think a lot of people get excited about babies and try to help. I’d prefer if everyone left me alone! I’d prefer if I made a registry and told people what I liked and they just got those things. I hate when people try to tell me what themes to do! Especially when I hate their ideas!! Maybe I’m just a grouchy pregnant lady.

I guess I just want privacy. I’m already anxious enough about this baby. I don’t need a million people asking me if I’ve seen that adorable jungle bouncy chair at Walmart. Yes. It’s dumb. Buy my baby some gorgeous wooden toys and organic sleep sacks please. No dollar store teethers that will leak, please. See what I mean? I got SO MUCH junk from Lily’s baby showers. I do appreciate everyone’s gifts, don’t get me wrong! I just wish people would get me what I actually want and instead of what they think it cute. For instance, I said I didn’t want to do anything ‘pooh’ themed for Lily. Do you know how much Winne the Pooh stuff we got?! I understand if someone sees something and thinks its adorable and HAS TO BUY IT. But c’mon, do you even care about who you’re buying for? This isn’t your baby! If you don’t think the momma will love it, then don’t get it!

I don’t need all that much with this baby. I need baby clothes. I need cloth diapers. I need a bassinet. I need boy stuff. I really don’t think that my little man (my only readers already know anyway…) will want to be swaddled in pink all the time. Not that he’d mind right then, but years from now, he’d be wondering. I have a million things on my wish list that I know I won’t get. I know I’ll get a ton of stuff I won’t want but will eventually use. There’s a reason people make registries. Overall, I just want gift cards! Or gifts with real meaning. If someone got the baby, let’s say, a personalized blanket or something like that, I’d appreciate it. But a million cheapo 90% polyester baby socks? Do people know I hate polyester? Do I need to start complaining more? I don’t think a lot of people know who I am.

It’s hard for me. I want to me so thankful. I really, really do. But when someone close relatives know I dislike the monkey theme and buy me a blanket with monkeys on it because THEY thought it was adorable…well, THEY are making me feel like they don’t really care at all about me. This is MY baby!

My MIL always says, “you’re not going to turn into one of those hippie only-feed-my-baby-organic-food moms, are you?” I always say that’s silly…Matt loves boxed mac n’ cheese too much. The truth is, if I could move to a more desolate location, grow a HUGE garden, sew my own clothing, and feed my children food that is never processed I WOULD. And I would love that. I would love to live in my own sort of world. I would love to not be judged anymore. I made a status a few weeks ago about how I’m not a “crunchy” momma, but that’s not my choice! Honestly, I love all that the crunchy granola munching moms represent. I love cloth diapers. I love not filling landfills. I love not exposing Lily’s bum to chemicals. I love the pride I feel when I’d folding clean diapers. I love the person I’m becoming…weird.

Sorry, I didn’t mean for this to turn into a rant. I’m surrounded by so many people that don’t actually listen to me.

Goodnight all.